That's Not My Name

They call me 'hell'
They call me 'Stacey'
They call me 'her'
They call me 'Jane'
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name

That's not my name

These are the lyrics of a popular(or maybe not so popular) song "that's not my name" by a pop duo called "The Ting Tings".When i was listening to the song i couldn't help but recall all those times when someone called or wrote my name wrong.Also of one of my cousins going paranoid over people misspelling her name every single time.And of how my grandparents used to call my mother "Gauri,Vidya,Vimala"(the name of my mother's sisters followed by her own,i.e Vimala).

I really hate people getting my name wrong.I've had people spelling it with a wide mosaic of various combination of letters being jumbled all over the place.The other day when I'd been to this nursing home to get an anti-tetanus vaccine,the nurse wrote down my name as "Vekash" on the bill.And you have people in Karnataka adding an unnecessary "a" in the end.Like my dad's name is Sridhar.While receiving some documents a while back,i noticed his name having been changed to Sreedhara.Apparently the officials changed the name to the Kannada script and translated it back into English resulting in some unwanted corruption of names.I have my Bengali and Assamese friends referring to me as Bikash which is once again annoying.Quite obviously the sound associated with the letter "v" is not present in their pronounciation of words which also partly explains the "h" occuring at the end.

To be honest people getting your name wrong is not a new ordeal.If i ever do go abroad,i should obviously brace myself and expect people to really thrash my name and pound it to an extent where i would probably accept the bengali pronounciation as a much better alternative.But then to make sure they atleast don't spell it wrong,I've come up with an idea.I could get a tatoo reading "VIKAS" printed on my forehead .Also i could have my name embedded on each one of my T-Shirts,front and back.This way even if people decide to ruin the way my name is pronounced,at least I'd have them writing it down right!

Beat boredom with poetry

Everyone expects poems to convey morals and thoughts and poems generally abide by a theme which the poet has previously decided upon.The poem below follows no such rules.Its just an arbid compilation written under bizarre circumstances.

When boredom takes over,people do the weirdest things.That's exactly what happened the other day.Me and Shailendra were both logged into google talk at around 11 in the evening(or would you call it night).With absolutely nothing to do and no means of making time move any faster we decided to write a poem with us filling in alternate lines.The only thing we tried to ensure was that the sentences rhymed ,even which we could not do successfully.The theme wavered and the poem reached various crests and troughs of stupidity which goes very well with the title of this blog.Luckily the poem showed enough prowess to convince me it merited a slot on our new and improved blogspot.Hope all of you enjoy the poem.Even if you don't,I really hope you don't go on to hate it.After all it was written by two bored people who were half asleep who had no business whatsoever trying their hand at poetry.

A Poem for all ages

All i can see is the vast thundering sea
In the midst of this grandeur i am woken by a bee
Where did it come from? i wonder
O sweet honey,by buying you i made a blunder

I put back my blindfold and once again visit dreamland
Just cant wait to play in my make believe band
I sing and dance with marijuana and beer
How i wish.. how i wish she were here

I think back.. long back to the time of my forefathers
How times were those days when we all loved one another
We don't find that now.. What has changed?
Grief overwhelms souls,for how with sorrow we've been plagued

I switch over to another thought over what the future holds in store
I pray with all my might that it doesn't turn into a bigger bore
I'm certain my thoughts have no bearings on reality as is perceived
So I think of the sorrows and get back to being grieved

My thoughts wander far and wander wide
And suddenly i picture the poor who always cried
Is there anything i can do to help them?
Not unless i have enough greens to buy them some stem

The last line has a deeper thought instilled within
Its tough to explain.. i don't know from where to begin
So for all you adolescent minds lets leave it at that
Cos i am sure u are too lazy to put on your thinking hat

I then notice a flower blooming from its bud
Crumpled by wild beasts,i hear a loud deafening thud
The flower struggles unsuccessfully to regain its beauty
You can't blame nature now,all creatures have their own duty

If it weren't for humans,the world would still be beautiful
But now it looks as sad as a dying bull
We are insensitive creatures,lets not wail over spilled milk
Lets go on and make our lives as smooth as silk

By,
Shailendra & Vikas

New(s) Section:Latest Developments

I've decided to start a new segment where I shall put up the latest happenings around the globe sometimes spoofing them as well which may sound insensitive at times.This shall be done on a trial basis and on the basis of the response,i may consider proceeding with the same.

The UPA has just announced that they have agreed on an alliance with Mulayam Singh Yadav's Samajwadi Party by offering him Laloo,oops,i mean aloos for dinner,


Bill Clinton obviously bitter after his wife lost out on Democrat presidential nomination has just said "Barack Obama would need to kiss his a** for his support".Looks like the demons of those nights with Monica Lewinsky are back to haunt this former President.Hillary probably rants all day about those torrid times their relationship had been through and maybe some responsibility in the White House would have cooled her down a bit.Bill,i still say dump Hillary and go for "Monica,my your darling".


Deco,the Brazilian born Portuguese diver has just completed his signing to Chelshit Diving Football Club.Luis Felipe Scolari,the new coach of the London based diving team said he was happy to sign another remarkable diver from his days as the head of the Portuguese national team to his already distinguished batch of deep sea divers that his predecessors have managed to notch up.


Spain won their 2nd Euro Championship on Sunday thanks mainly due to a goal from Fernando Torres,the only Scouser on the planet who knows to kick a football.Atleast this much decorated and skilled player gets to win some silverware in his career.Scouse Loser FC is set to see another trophy-less decade if many footballing experts are to be believed.I'm sure he must be wishing he had come to the Theater of Dreams,home to the best club in the world,Manchester United.

Blogging is more than just writing

I can write all I want and make it sound as interesting as i possibly could(not to say I've been doing it so far),but the presentation is just as important.The earlier template was a real turn off.And being relatively new to blogger,i didn't know there were other templates available online.And so i continued sporting the same wretched look until some time back when i realised other blogs looked a lot more attractive than mine.And being the dimwit i am,i took a while to decipher from this obvious predicament,the themes these other blog wore were obviously different from the sample ones available for the regular user.So I've used one of the templates which looked reasonably good in my eyes.And depending on how other readers warm up to it,i might consider changing it and/or modifying the arrangement of this blog.

Other routine roundup

And as as(repetition is not a mistake) to stress my *Whatte Surprise* hypothesis,we've once again witnessed more casualties in the women's draw with Jelena Jankovic and Svetlana Kuznetsova getting knocked out by relatively unknown names in the WTA(Women's Tennis Association) circuit.

Also the Left Parties in our country have given us more evidence to believe they are in fact spies of a distant planet whose inhabitants have split eyes,eat snakes,are short and generally sport a beige skin tone

Don't Cry old boy

Euro 2008 finally got over yesterday.The final saw Spain beating Germany through a Fernando Torres strike.I had to read reports of this on various websites because quite conveniently on the very same day,the cable operator as if to pull a practical joke on me shuts off the cable.And all i am left with is a TV screen with a neat mixture of gray,black and white colours.After having watched an overwhelming majority of the stinking euro 08 matches live staying awake upto 3 in the morning on occasions,on the day of the final, some wise guy just cuts off the cable wire.Isn't this just absolutely brilliant!!I am livid.Maybe the rain had something to do with this odd turn of events but i give jack as to what the reasons were.Bottomline,i missed the final,the grand finale,the moment of salvation and all other shit like that.You could easily pick up the anger in these words i am spilling out i presume.I might as well not have watched the tournament at all in that case.I mean anything is only as good as its ending.I missed the ending.I can keep spelling the same rhetoric over and over again and still not let out the entire frustration within.But then the readers definitely don't want to witness me hurling out my vast repertoire of abuses with me not giving any warnings to my prized visitors of any inappropriate content that they might likely witness on this blog.Anyway i would still like to let my cable operator know of my displeasure and discontent over his quality of service!

Mobile wonder

The newer phone brought to you by Spice!



The older yet classy Nokia 3110c.